I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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