Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
