I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
