1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
