Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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