She announced her abortion via fbk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
