Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
