I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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