I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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