maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Less talking, more tequila
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
