I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
