That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
