she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
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after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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