I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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