The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
