So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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