I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
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She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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