I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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