No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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