I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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