No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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