Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
