hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My vagina is officially offended.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
