hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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