so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
