I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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