The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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