Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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