Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
