fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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