youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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