So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
