i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
