He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So much rum. So many feels.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
