Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
