She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
