i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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