Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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