Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
