singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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