Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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