That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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