Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
