i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
