I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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