How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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