sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
