I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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