Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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