the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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