I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
