so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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