don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
