Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
