my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
