i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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