youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
