i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
