Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
