He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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