apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
