i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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