I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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