Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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