u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
