Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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