guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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